I am such a girl.
No really.
I freak out over absolutely nothing at all. . . all the time.
I don't know why I lose my confidence so easily. Really. One little thing doesn't go my direction and I've lot my way. I've been like this for what seems like forever. Sometimes I'm better at controlling my fears, and sometimes I completely lose it and let it tear me down. I remember talking to one of my performance teachers once. How I would make one tiny mistake and my entire performance was ruined for myself. How I felt like I was letting everyone down. He told me I needed to calm down, that I was making a robot out of myself. That the "mistakes" I made were probably the best things some of the other players could do. . . . I'm not really sure that last part made me feel any better then. It sure doesn't make me feel any better now.
Why do I allow myself to go into such a freak out mode? I can't think about anything else when it happens. I'm sitting here at the music building trying to get some trombone time in and I can't even bring myself to pick the instrument off of the ground.
Why wouldn't things go my way? Why do I sometimes allow the negative to overpower the good and positive?
I'm human. I doubt myself. I stress myself out over nothing and everything. I have this need to be in control of my life, but the truth is that it's something I can't always do. I can't control how people respond. I can only control my reactions. I need to be better at controlling my reactions. That is something I am majorly failing at as of late.
Okay. I feel a little better now.
Love.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Songs I'm digging right now. = )
So instead of posting a million links on facebook I figured this would be better. = ) I realize I've posted some of these before, but you'll get over it. = )
Friday, July 22, 2011
Jeremiah 29:11-14
New American Standard Bible:
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found be you,' declares the Lord, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."
The Message:
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you, bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.
New King James Version:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place which I cause you to be carried away captive.
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found be you,' declares the Lord, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."
The Message:
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you, bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.
New King James Version:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place which I cause you to be carried away captive.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
[Insert a clever title here]
Good morning!
So I've been sitting here for a hot minute. . . reading my friends blogs, and trying to figure out what to talk about. The funny thing is that when I was blogging almost every day or every other day it was so easy to just put what I was feeling. Now that I'm lacking internet at my home and have to use it where I can get it, I find it a little more difficult to pick out key events that have happened over the past few weeks. I have a real issue with getting too personal on these things. I love sharing my thoughts and feelings, but I'm always a little wary of actually talking about too many actual events or people that are in my life.
If I've learned anything in my (almost) 25 years it is that life can change in an instant, and not everything is what you think it is. Not that I think that both of those ideas are always negative things. Far from it. I'm a firm believer of living in the moment. I will not live in the past. Yesterday put me on my path for today, but it does not define my tomorrow. I have a rough plan for the future.
I totally believe in having an idea for the future. A five and ten year goal even. In five years I will start a DMA (a musical arts performance version of a PHD for all you none musicians). In ten years I hope to be teaching at the university level. Do I think about the future on a daily basis? Of course I do. Do I over analyze every single event that happens? Come on, we've been over that before. Will I change my mind on a daily basis? Maybe, maybe not. I'm making my own path.
The reason I say "rough plan"for my future is because it really is just that. Do I have the slightest idea where I want to go to school for that DMA? Nope. I haven't even picked a key area of study. The teaching at the university level idea could change too. I might change my mind tomorrow and completely drop music. Do I think that will happen? I'm 95% sure I will be teaching music in some form for the rest of my life. But I might decide I want to teach elementary music one day and just do it. I might decide I really do want to open that restaurant and put all my efforts into that. Will I be disappointed in myself in that happens? Of course not. I will always do what is right for me and what I want to do. Regardless of what anyone thinks. I believe in myself enough to know that I will make the best decision I can (and no, I'm not one of those people who doesn't ask a million peoples advice first).
One of the best assignments I've ever been given is writing my philosophy of teaching. I wrote it for my final education class at the University of Alabama. I wrote it in November 2009. Sure, some of the details I wrote about have changed, but my key idea of that paper still reigns true in my life today. I want to be someone who makes people believe that they can do things they never thought possible. Someone who encourages. I completely believe that you can do whatever you want as long as you never give up. Whether its through teaching music in some way, camping with my girlfriends, volunteering at my church, waiting tables, etc., if I can share that idea with the people in my world, then my life will have been a success.
I do my best to make the right decisions and enjoy the skin that I'm in. Sometimes I make the wrong decision. I fail on a daily basis. I have so much to learn in my life, and so very far to go. I'm on this great adventure, and I intend to enjoy every moment of it. I won't worry about tomorrow, and I certainly will not regret my past (that made me who I am today). God is good, and I am blessed to always have what I need.
So I've been sitting here for a hot minute. . . reading my friends blogs, and trying to figure out what to talk about. The funny thing is that when I was blogging almost every day or every other day it was so easy to just put what I was feeling. Now that I'm lacking internet at my home and have to use it where I can get it, I find it a little more difficult to pick out key events that have happened over the past few weeks. I have a real issue with getting too personal on these things. I love sharing my thoughts and feelings, but I'm always a little wary of actually talking about too many actual events or people that are in my life.
If I've learned anything in my (almost) 25 years it is that life can change in an instant, and not everything is what you think it is. Not that I think that both of those ideas are always negative things. Far from it. I'm a firm believer of living in the moment. I will not live in the past. Yesterday put me on my path for today, but it does not define my tomorrow. I have a rough plan for the future.
I totally believe in having an idea for the future. A five and ten year goal even. In five years I will start a DMA (a musical arts performance version of a PHD for all you none musicians). In ten years I hope to be teaching at the university level. Do I think about the future on a daily basis? Of course I do. Do I over analyze every single event that happens? Come on, we've been over that before. Will I change my mind on a daily basis? Maybe, maybe not. I'm making my own path.
The reason I say "rough plan"for my future is because it really is just that. Do I have the slightest idea where I want to go to school for that DMA? Nope. I haven't even picked a key area of study. The teaching at the university level idea could change too. I might change my mind tomorrow and completely drop music. Do I think that will happen? I'm 95% sure I will be teaching music in some form for the rest of my life. But I might decide I want to teach elementary music one day and just do it. I might decide I really do want to open that restaurant and put all my efforts into that. Will I be disappointed in myself in that happens? Of course not. I will always do what is right for me and what I want to do. Regardless of what anyone thinks. I believe in myself enough to know that I will make the best decision I can (and no, I'm not one of those people who doesn't ask a million peoples advice first).
One of the best assignments I've ever been given is writing my philosophy of teaching. I wrote it for my final education class at the University of Alabama. I wrote it in November 2009. Sure, some of the details I wrote about have changed, but my key idea of that paper still reigns true in my life today. I want to be someone who makes people believe that they can do things they never thought possible. Someone who encourages. I completely believe that you can do whatever you want as long as you never give up. Whether its through teaching music in some way, camping with my girlfriends, volunteering at my church, waiting tables, etc., if I can share that idea with the people in my world, then my life will have been a success.
I do my best to make the right decisions and enjoy the skin that I'm in. Sometimes I make the wrong decision. I fail on a daily basis. I have so much to learn in my life, and so very far to go. I'm on this great adventure, and I intend to enjoy every moment of it. I won't worry about tomorrow, and I certainly will not regret my past (that made me who I am today). God is good, and I am blessed to always have what I need.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Playing under the table and dreaming.
I'll make dinner for you if you get the song reference from the title.
One day I will learn patience. Today is not that day.
I'm feeling extra ornery tonight. Pretty much just restless.
One day I will learn patience. Today is not that day.
I'm feeling extra ornery tonight. Pretty much just restless.
Friday, July 8, 2011
But time makes bolder. . .
Just because there are gray skies doesn't mean that the sun isn't still shining on the other side. What an amazing summer this is turning out to be. I really do know some absolutely amazing people. Okay before this gets all sappy blah, blah, blah. = )
Here are some fun quotes as of late:
"I mean Moses."
"The graham crackers are gone. FML!"
"You girls are so vulger."
"Ya want a marshmallow?"
"Its a marshmallow torch."
"What are you putting it in?"
Oh bless. That's all I can think of at the moment. There are more. I'm sure of it. I just can't remember. Its late. I'm still at the music building. Man, I really need to get internet at my apt. I just haven't had the opportunity to do it yet. Plus it is free on campus. The problem turns into when I just sit up here late at night cause I have pictures to upload and blogs to post. haha!
I went camping this past weekend with Brandy (and her dog Opie), Natalie (and her dog Stella), and Melissa.
Can we say fun? Holler! Oh man was the camp ground beautiful. I might be officially in love with camping. I really do love being here in Utah. What a beautiful state. Absolutely breath-taking.
The above picture is one of our camp grounds at Escalante state part. I swam in that lake. = ) And yes, the water was so cold. It was amazing. Just a little taste of Heaven. We four girls had so much fun. I will remember that trip forever.
We hiked Calf Creek Falls on Sunday. It was hot. The poor pups had a hard time getting across the hot 105 degree sand. But MAN was it worth it! That picture does not even do it justice.
On Monday (the 4th) we stopped at Dance Hall Rock and did some climbing and took some pictures. We really did have the time of our lives. "What happens in Escalante, stays in Escalante." hahaha
I am way stoked for Saturday! I can't wait to see what is at the Farmer's Market! Can't believe its been 3 weeks since I've been here on a Saturday. I'm excited to see what new produce is growing. I am so looking forward to when the Utah raspberries, peaches, and apples start coming in. I can hear the glass jars calling my name! I'm gonna have fun making preserves this year. I am totally itchin to use that nice new kitchen of mine! = ) Can you say dinner party?
Alright. I really should go home now.
Love.
Here are some fun quotes as of late:
"I mean Moses."
"The graham crackers are gone. FML!"
"You girls are so vulger."
"Ya want a marshmallow?"
"Its a marshmallow torch."
"What are you putting it in?"
Oh bless. That's all I can think of at the moment. There are more. I'm sure of it. I just can't remember. Its late. I'm still at the music building. Man, I really need to get internet at my apt. I just haven't had the opportunity to do it yet. Plus it is free on campus. The problem turns into when I just sit up here late at night cause I have pictures to upload and blogs to post. haha!
I went camping this past weekend with Brandy (and her dog Opie), Natalie (and her dog Stella), and Melissa.
Can we say fun? Holler! Oh man was the camp ground beautiful. I might be officially in love with camping. I really do love being here in Utah. What a beautiful state. Absolutely breath-taking.
The above picture is one of our camp grounds at Escalante state part. I swam in that lake. = ) And yes, the water was so cold. It was amazing. Just a little taste of Heaven. We four girls had so much fun. I will remember that trip forever.
We hiked Calf Creek Falls on Sunday. It was hot. The poor pups had a hard time getting across the hot 105 degree sand. But MAN was it worth it! That picture does not even do it justice.
On Monday (the 4th) we stopped at Dance Hall Rock and did some climbing and took some pictures. We really did have the time of our lives. "What happens in Escalante, stays in Escalante." hahaha
I am way stoked for Saturday! I can't wait to see what is at the Farmer's Market! Can't believe its been 3 weeks since I've been here on a Saturday. I'm excited to see what new produce is growing. I am so looking forward to when the Utah raspberries, peaches, and apples start coming in. I can hear the glass jars calling my name! I'm gonna have fun making preserves this year. I am totally itchin to use that nice new kitchen of mine! = ) Can you say dinner party?
Alright. I really should go home now.
Love.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
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