I need to post more....

So I've had all these thoughts lately.  Thoughts where I go, I should really blog about this.  And then I just don't. I get home and I'd rather be lazy or go to bed. Tonight is not one of those nights. We had a wind ensemble concert tonight.  I love performing.  And I use the term love loosely.  It doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about performing.  Performing has taught me so much throughout my meager unimportant life.  It has taught me how to make friends, how to strive for excellence, how to persevere, and the list goes on and on.  Rarely during a performance do I actually have thoughts that I can go back to and meditate on.  Performance thoughts are much like a dream.  You dream so much during any given sleep, but usually you remember one dream, possibly two if any at all.  I usually get done with a performance and can't tell you what I was thinking about throughout the piece.  If I can tell you what I was thinking about it was usually because I was over thinking the piece, which happens a lot.

But tonight I can tell you a little about my thought process and it wasn't because I was over thinking it at all.  We played a piece by Frank Tichelli tonight called "Sanctuary."  You can find a recording of the piece here.   So a few rehearsals ago the graduate student conductor went on about finding what your sanctuary was during this piece.  Most of the time those sort of things don't work for me, unless I'm in a performance setting.  Well tonight, during the concert we were playing and I had all these memories flood my mind.  I can't remember all of them, but the ones that stuck out were like so:  1.  One of the memories was me running in Ohio during the Bluecoats move in for 2010.  2. Another was me having lunch with a friend from my undergraduate while on tour with drum corps.  3.  The last one I remember was me exploring Japan by myself in 2008 when I was performing with Brass Odyssey.  

There were other memories and thoughts, but much like a night of dreaming where you have multiple dreams but remember few, those are the only ones I can recall now.    

I suppose my subconscious was trying to tell me that those places are my sanctuaries.  One of my sanctuaries involves me taking care of myself.  Running as always been an emotional and spiritual act for myself.  I don't run to go fast, or to prove anything, I run because I can (even thought the past few months I physically have not been able to, I'm working on that!), because it is one thing can do that has absolutely nothing to do with anything else in my life. It makes me feel good. Another one of my sanctuaries is my relationships.  My friends.   What is a career or life if you don't have people that you love to do it with it?  I don't feel like I need to expand more than that.  And the last sanctuary that stood out tonight was me exploring the world, alone.  This may contradict what I just said, but I'm not afraid to search for my life by myself.  That is something that has never been an issue for me.  I have a goal and a dream, and I will continue to explore that area of my life.   Maybe my short responses to these thoughts don't make sense to you, and that's okay.  It's late, and I'm tired, and it mostly makes sense to me.

I have so many other things to say, but that's about it for now.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll post again.  I really do need to be better about posting here...

Love.